One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, Blue Fish

Fish as pets look good on paper, but the accompanying lessons in morbidity may turn your toddler into a goth before s/he's out of adjustable waistbands.

punk by Alosh Bennett (aloshbennett)

We've mowed through species of goldfish, gourami, and cory cat like a virulent but well-intentioned pestilence. "Are the fish alive?" Your guess is as good as mine. Our spunky new cichlids look like they have a fighting chance...but so have they all...



Are you a budding (albeit likely failing) aquarist? See if any of these ring true:



You've forgotten your sign but know your pH.



You know what a substrate is and how to use it.



You're pretty sure Quint's actual line was "We're gonna need a bigger tank."



You've had ick.



You're pretty sure you have tail rot.



You have a very long hose.



You take it with a straight face when told your fish are stressed.



You understand reverse osmosis does not make you temporarily act like a chicken.



I feel for you, my brothers and sisters. Don't forget to flush.